Thursday 18:15

He fears nothing
His back to the cliff
His sword drawn
Enemies stand opposing
He fears nothing
The only way to go is forward
He fends off all attacks
Never falters never falls
He fears nothing
He keeps going nothing can stop him
From battle to battle he goes
All scars hidden
He fears nothing
A lull in the fray
He turns and to look at where he's been
He sees more than he had seen
He fears nothing
Another turn
Moving forward again
Seeing things differently now
He fears something
The path ahead
And that behind
Always was the same
He fears something
These two paths
Still the same
Are forever changed
He fears something
The sword is sheathed
He bends his keen
And cries

23:45 Monday.

Well, here it is the end of a nice 3 day weekend (for some of us anyway).  I know some people who went "home" for the weekend.  I know some people who left "home" this weekend.  I also know some people who stayed at "home" this weekend.  Me, I'm not sure what I did.  I didn't leave home and I didn't go home either, I stayed in the same place.  I'm not sure if that means I stayed at home though.  What is home?  Is it a place where you can sleep at night (or any other time for that matter)?  Is it a place where you can keep all your stuff?  Is it where your loved ones are?  If any of these makes some place home, then I guess I did stay home this weekend.  I have a place to sleep each night, I can keep my stuff here, and I have loved ones here (Note: For those of you who don't know friends count as loved ones).  But I was also far from home.  There are many other places where I can go to sleep or keep stuff.  And most importantly I have loved ones in many more places than just here.  I suppose it could be said that I have many homes ..... or no real home at all.  Or maybe home is where I am, where I choose to be.  Some nights I go to bed feeling I am at home, others I feel I am thousands of miles from it.  For me, this weekend brought feelings from all these catagories.  But right now I feel ....... I don't know what I feel.  Home.  A simple four letter word.  It seems that it's the simple words that always have the most complex difficult to understand definitions......

19:56 Tuesday

I want to speak with you but instead I sit here in silence
I want to call you up as I stare at the phone
I want to be with you.... I'm afraid of what it might be
I want to hold you close to me but I'm keeping you at arms length
I want to be close to you I'm afraid to let you get close to me
I'm afraid of what there might be if there is a "we"
But I can't imagin a life without an "us"
I don't know what I want for sure
I think I'm afraid to know the answer
Maybe oneday it will all be clear

It's a new year.  I think this year it might really be time for a few changes.  Nothing too major, mostly internal thought type things.  Then again, I always have been a procrastinator, it might just end up waiting another year.

21:36 Monday.

What are my feelings, I wish I knew.
Others seem able to say about me the things I do not know.
Where does their insight comefrom, how can I too learn to see?
Just when things are almost clear they again become fuzzy.
My eyes need glasses to see the road ahead, but I wasn't aware that a heart could need them as well.

0:13 Wednesday.

So, whats been going on in my life.  A whole lot and nothing at all.  I keep busy, but I don't really do much persay.  I was in D.C. this past Sunday.  Went with the Hillel to the Holocost museum.  That was a good trip.  Most of the time I just spend hanging out with friends.  Friends are so important.  I try not to spend too much in my room here.  If I'm not hanging out with people here all I really do is think about my friends that are not here.  I'm not saying I don't want to think about my other friends (because that is not true at all), it's just that they are not here.  It makes me sad to think of all the friends I have that I can't see.  I take the time to think about all of them, but if I did that all the time I would fall in to depression.  Yesterday was a really bad day for that.  EPA USY (my youth group) had their LTI this past weekend.  Yesterday they had all the pictures up.  I miss those people and that place so much.  I'll see my friends from USY again, I know that.  But it will never quite be the same.  As for my friends here, they are all great, but there are a few that always make the day better.  Amanda gives really good hugs, I just don't get enough of those here.  I can't wait for thanksgiving, there will be lots of hugs then.  Laurel has a great smile.  It's almost impossible not to smile back.  And Janet, she just has an aura or something.  I hope all of you are making new great friends, but never forget anyfriends from your past.  After all it is your past that has made you what you are today.

Current Mood:  Tiredish

Current Song:  Devil went Down to Georgia